Friday, August 28, 2009

10 Weird Concepts Turned Into Great Games

There was a time when video games meant you controlled one moving colored object and you interacted with other moving colored objects.

Actually, that's still the definition of video games. But as time has gone on, the ways in which you interact have changed. In ye olden days, you either shot at or jumped over everything, or maybe if the game was daring you hit it with a sword. Here are some concepts that you'd never think a great game would come out of, but they did anyway.

1. Wild Arms

System: PlayStation
Wild Arms is, at it's barest of bones, a turn based RPG. That's not really that unusual, but the setting is. RPGS most of the time are fantasy affairs with the occasional sci-fi or dystopian based games. But Wild Arms is a western. Guns, Cowboys and Biff Tannen doing headers into shit. That kind of western. The game took a while to catch on, as it wasn't until Wild Arms 3 that people really started to get some attention, but the original is a cult classic that is worth a look for the bizarre concept alone.

2. Sonic the Hedgehog

System: Genesis
We're all so very familiar with Sonic at this point that it takes a bit to think about how odd the concept is. In a game based on speed, why choose a hedgehog? They're not exactly known for quickness...why not a rabbit or cheetah or some shit? That being said, Sonic turned out great (though he has since sucked hard), but this is despite being a hedgehog, not because of it. There are also several iterations of the character, but the original is really strange, as it puts him as an alien from a faraway planet fighting against a guy named "Robotnik" who makes robots (what are the odds?) though he's now more usually referred to as "Eggman" because he looks like an egg (once again, wtf). The games got even weirder, what with his mutant sidekicks and whatnot, but the original was based on a foundation of weird shit.

3. Katamari Demancy

System: PlayStation 2
You know they had to be smoking weed when they came up with this idea. It's a game that uses the bare basics of controls, you only use the PlayStation 2's two joysticks and roll around a sticky ball. You roll over shit smaller than you and it sticks to you, making your ball larger. Having large balls is the name of the game, and simplicity is the other name of the game. It's shockingly addictive and fun despite it's primitive graphics, weird design and oddball characters.

4. Fat Princess

System: PlayStation Network
Fat Princess is a capture the flag style war game, the idea of these sorts of games is to command units to get into the oppositions area, get their "flag" and bring it back, at which point you win. You also have to protect your own flag. In Fat Princess, the flag is actually a petite little princess, and aside from your little alien homonid looking fuckers going around murdering each other, you'll have to protect your flag. You protect your princess by force feeding the bitch cake until she bloats up like Rosie O'Donnell. This makes it more difficult for your opponents to bring her back quickly, and it will require more of them to pick her up (kind of referencing another game you'll see on this list...) The game is simple and fun with a hilarious concept, and if the PlayStation 3 was worth it, this would be a good choice.

5. Braid

System: XBox Live Arcade, PlayStation Network, PC
Ah, Braid. Braid is a really great game that at first seems like a basic old-school style run and jump platform with a lot of puzzles to solve. Even the game's usage of "rewinding" time to undo things, including your own death, is really not all that unusual (I see it as an evolution of some of the concepts that came around in Viewtiful Joe), but the story is a weird ass concept. You play as this little Angus Young looking guy trying to rescue a princess, only to find at the end that you're somehow the bad guy. Some people have suggested that Braid's storyline isn't even about saving a princess or being a stalker, but an allegory for nuclear holocaust. What is really strange is the game is already great without being deep, it could have been a standard you save the princess she blows you type thing. But they went that extra mile to make it weird, and the game was better for it.

6. Plants vs Zombies

System: PC, XBox Live Arcade
Well, most of Popcap's games are strange concepts like rearranging gems and whatnot but this really takes the cake. I had heard the name "Plants vs Zombies" and the title alone made me want to check it out, and after getting a very spirited reccomentdation from a co-worker I had to try it. Basically it's a tower defense game, but your towers are plants and the "creeps" are zombies. The game is challenging, simple, quirky, funny and there's a lot of meat there with 50 levels and loads of mini games, puzzle games and other shit to play. I am hopelessly addicted to this game, the one where plants fight zombies.

7. WarioWare Inc. Mega MicroGame$

System: Game Boy Advance
Oh man this one is W.E.I.R.D. In WarioWare, Wario decides he can make a load of money making video games, but all of his games last about 5 seconds. These "microgames" are great, as you get a single word command telling you what to do and you have about 5 seconds to figure it out. Most of the microgames are really simple, but some take a few tries to even figure out. There's also a lot of them based on classic Nintendo titles like Zelda or Punch Out. The game spawned many sequels, and they continue to get weirder and better.

8. Pikmin

System: GameCube
Oh man. I fucking love this game. Pikmin is the game where you play as a tiny little space captain about an inch high who crash lands on an alien planet (Earth) and has to repair his ship with the help of little grass-like creatures called Pikmin. The game is simply amazing and defies description, you simply have to try it out to understand how great it is. The colorful and happy tone belies the game's plot, where Olimar gets increasingly despondent as the game's 30 days wear on, as he'll die from Oxygen poisoning if his ship is not repaired on time. The game launched an even more amazing sequel, Pikmin 2 as well as Wii re-releases and a soon to be third entry into the series.

9. Shadow of the Colossus

System: PlayStation 2
You gotta hand it to Team Ico for making Video Games into an art form. Their first effort, Ico was already amazing, but it's not really that weird, standard save the princess/love story action/platformer/puzzler. It's prequel however is strange and wonderful. You are once again attempting to rescue a lady, only this time she's asleep and you have to beat several powerful bosses to break the spell and awaken her. Now that's not all that strange, as it's basically the plot of Zelda II. But what's strange s that there are no enemies in the game, only the bosses. And there are no levels either. You simply travel to where they are and beat them. The game is blissful and basically fun in a box but a concept where a game is nothing more than a few boss battles? Amazing that they pulled it off.

10. Wario Land II

System: Game Boy, Game Boy Color
Wario makes his second appearance on my list. This is the game that transformed him from a Mario stand in to a verifiable gaming star. There were already two games previously, Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 and Virtual Boy Wario Land but they were standard fares where you ran jumped and shoulder charged your way through levels, finding treasures and coins and using special hats to power up. However Wario Land II did something amazing and did something different. You can't die. Ever. The game's entire concept is based around the fact that Wario can't die. Get hit by an enemy? You get knocked back and lose some coins. Fall down a ravine? There's a whole area down there to explore. Wario even had to get hit at certain points, as certain types of damage would change him. Get stung by a bee and he swells up and starts floating upwards. Get burned and he can run around while on fire and break certain blocks. Get flattened and go through small areas. Concepts such as challenge in a platform game were challenged themselves and even the idea of boss battles had to be re-thought. The game got a sequel, Wario Land 3, which follows the same tone. Wario Land 4 and subsequent games would give Wario a life meter, and they were also great. But it all really started here with a really strange concept.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Today's videos.

Pretty good assortment today.

First, a game I'm glad to have tried, Shatterhand

Next, another fucking Animaniacs game.

and lastly, Final Fight CD

The 10 Greatest Consoles Ever

Usually I avoid doing lists that go in any sort of order, I just name 10 of something. But today I'm breaking convention and bringing you the top 10 best consoles (handhelds included) to grace our Earth. Disagree? Well, then you're just wrong. This issue can be remedied simply. Just quit it.

Seeing as how it's this type of list, let's do something exciting and slightly unnatural, and count DOWN!

10. Atari 2600

Made by: Atari
Also known as: VCS, Video Computer System, 2600 Jr.
Lifespan: 1977 - 1992

You didn't read that wrong. The Atari 2600, usually called "The Atari" or perhaps "The Fucking Atari" if you're feeling daring, debuted in glorious 1977 and stuck around until Atari officially kiboshed it in 1992. By that time we were enjoying glorious 16 bit consoles and Atari was thought of as something from the long long ago. It outlasted it's two successors, the ill fated 5200 and 7800. It's lifespan of 15 years is no mistake, as it personified and defined video games for a generation of gamers. Mostly a way to play very watered down versions of arcade classics, the 2600 had pretty much everything, and this is despite it having one button on the joystick and looking like a damned clock radio. To this day, homebrew 2600 games are made and enjoyed by Atari enthusiasts and old-school gamers alike. Making the list for it's lifespan and significant historical importance, if you make a list like this and the console isn't there, then you're a damned tool.

9. XBox 360

Made by: Microsoft
Also known as: Xenon, Nextbox, XBox 2, XBox FS, XBox Next
Lifespan: 2005 - current

Let's face it. Unless you're a fratboy or gramer, the original X-Box was a dud. Poor market penetration in Japan (the largest gaming market), bad design and a library of games with very few exclusives that weren't either gramer fare. Microsoft got it right the second time around. Firstly the design is great. It's still kinda fucking huge, but it at least looks like something you'd keep in your house and not be ashamed of. The ridiculous controllers of the original (the shoddy Type S and the even shoddier original) were replaced by the best new controller design in a long ass time. These simple changes, as well as upgrades and poor choices by Sony, have led to a big switch in placings. It used to you'd have a hard time getting people to play XBox games with you online because they all had Playstation 2. Now they all have XBox 360 and the poor schmuck with the PS3 is sitting there trying to pretend "Home" is interesting or fun. The 360 shows no signs of slowing down. It may play second fiddle to Nintendo's Wii console, but it absolutely dominates Sony, which is something that five years ago would have been a laughable comment worthy of being put into the stocks and pelted with canned sardines (still in the cans, of course.)

8. Genesis

Made by: Sega
Also known as: Mega Drive, MK-1601
Lifespan: 1988 - 1997 (with a trickle of games up until 2008)

The Sega Genesis is an interesting beast. It was Sega's FIFTH attempt at a gaming console, after their SG1000 line and Master System failed to penetrate the most important markets (Japan and America) You figure they'd have given up. Fifth time the charm, right? The Sega Genesis played second fiddle to Nintendo for it's entire lifespan, first to the NES and then to the Super NES, and the end of it's lifespan was marred by ill conceived add ons and poor support, leading to a number of high profile games being cancelled, or only available with addons. The Genesis however was quite the distinguished competition, with it's focus on sports titles, platformers and run and gun action titles. The Genesis also gave us Sonic, for what that's worth. Trust me, back in the day, Sonic was awesome. New Genesis games pop up from time to time, with the most recent coming out in 2008. The system still has a loyal fanbase, a group of gamers who never cared that they had the second place system and simply enjoyed it. Forget about "Blast Processing" and all the shit you could plug into it and just remember classics like Sonic and Knuckles, Ristar, CastleVania Bloodlines, Phantasy Star and Rocket Knight Adventures. Sega would never achieve this sort of success again, leading me to believe that it just wasn't meant to be. The Genesis is a sort of beautiful fluke, from a company that was great at making games, but questionable at making consoles.


Made by: Nintendo
Also known as: Star Cube, Dolphin
Lifespan: 2001 - 2006

The GameCube is one of my very favorite consoles. I still to this day find it an underrated wonderbox full of fun and win. The GameCube was Nintendo's first foray into the world of optical disc media, and they chose tiny little discs that can only hold about 1.5GB for whatever reason. However the little box got a lot of punch out of those little discs, with shockingly good looking games such as Resident Evil, Super Mario Sunshine, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and hell, even the launch title Rouge Leader still looks great to me. GameCube came in third to Playstation 2 and XBox, due partly to the fact that those systems were selling themselves as DVD players and Nintendo's family friendly image (something that helps them immensely now, ironically enough. The GameCube was the little system that could, easily out performing the Playstation 2 in terms of graphics, if not it's library. The system's semi-niche status led to innovative little gems such as Pikmin, which is basically what happens if you take pure joy and burn it onto an optical disc. And for once, add ons didn't hurt the system, as the Game Boy Player let you play GBA, GBC and GB games on your tv, and the design didn't mar the system in any way. The system's design is compact and it even has a fucking handle. Seriously, how could you not love this thing? (P.S. get used to seeing Nintendo stuff on here..)

6. Wii

Made by: Nintendo
Also known as: Revolution
Lifespan: 2006 - current

Aside from sounding like something you can do with your cock 2 to 5 times a day, depending on your diet, the Wii is a great innovative console. After coming in second to Sony with their Nintendo 64 console and then in third place with the GameCube. The Wii is the current dominant system (except for a few months where the DSi outsold it.) There's a lot going for it. Instead of trying to make a powerhouse, Nintendo crafted a system not much more powerful than it's GameCube, but gave it increased capacity, backwards compatibility, actual support for online gaming and...oh yeah the big thing the Wii is known for, motion control. The controller, which people call the Wiimote, is a shockingly great piece of tech that has led to many gameplay innovations. The Wii changed the meaning of Video Game and challenged non gamers to join in the fray. "It's just a video game" turned into "It looks like fun" as Nintendo finally stopped whining about their family friendly image and fucking CASHED IN on it. Get the kids involved, get grandpa involved and hope he doesn't break a hip or put the Wiimote through your TV. That's not to say the system doesn't have normal games, as gems such as Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, The Conduit and Madworld have shown. Add things like the virtual console and Nintendo channel in and the fact that it costs a measly 250.00 and it's an easy sell. And as much as I love the GameCube, this thing finally retired my GameCube as Nintendo didn't pull a Sony and included backwards compatibility for GCN games, controllers and memory cards.

5. Nintendo Entertainment System

Made by: Nintendo
Also known as: Famicom, Family Computer, NES, NES2, The Nintendo, The Goddamn Nintendo, The Real Fucking Deal

Lifespan: 1983 - 1995 (with a trickle of games afterwards)
The NES, we used to just call it the Nintendo. We didn't say we were playing video games, we said we were playing Nintendo. Sometimes people said they were "playing Nintendo" when they weren't playing a Nintendo console. That's how prevalent this thing is. I could talk about the games, the innovation, the classic good time feelings of warm fuzzy nostalgic wonderfulness with kittens, fluffy clouds and Bill Cosby. But you've heard it all before and honestly isn't nothing you couldn't say about the Sega Genesis. The reason the NES ushers us into the top 5 for a simple reason. Video games were dead like liberal credibility, and the NES was a savior, a beacon, a holy light, a fucking righteous deliverance of the return of video gaming as credible, financially supported and a household name. Gaming died in 1983 and the NES rose from the ashes like some sort of red bird that does that sort of thing. The NES ushered in an age of gaming prosperity that continues to this day. And for that, we raise our goblets of gaming and say "Fuck yeah, NES".

4. PlayStation 2

Made by: Sony
Also known as: PS2, PSTwo
Lifespan: 2000 - current

Let's get the bullshit out of the way. It killed the Dreamcast, it's launch was marred by hardware delays and shortages, the release games mostly sucked and bla bla bla. Then the PS2 suddenly was like, BOOM I'M THE FUCKING PS2. And it was great. In a lot of ways, the PS2 is the Atari 2600 of this generation, as it was launched in 2000, a year before it's now slain competitors XBox and GameCube, and is still being sold today. The PS2 is considered as much of a current system as the PS3, as it has the largest user base out there, even larger than the Wii. Playstation 2 isn't just a gaming console/DVD player, it's everything it's name embodies. It's the successor to the PlayStation, it's backward compatible, it uses an evolution of the same controller (with the same design) and it's full of familiarity, good feelings and everyone fucking has one. The PS3, by comparison, is an overpriced overhyped machine that has spotty backwards compatibility (plays some PS1 games, most models won't play PS2 at all) and is basically a massive tool. The system will celebrate it's 10th anniversary next year and Sony says it will support it until 2012 (and unless things with the PS3 turn around, they'd probably have to go past that.) And then there's the games. Almost any game you can find on XBox is on here, and most of the GameCube ones, and the system has many great exclusives. Big name titles are the name of the game, but innovative little gems like Ico and Shadow of the Colossus are still there. Oh and it has high profile series such as Final Fantasy and Metal Gear all to itself, not to mention somehow bamboozling Namco into making Soul Calibur III exclusive. The PS2 is the old standby, and it ain't going anywhere, not for a long ass time.

3. Nintendo DS

Made by: Nintendo
Also known as: DS, DS Lite, DSi, That Game Boy Thing With Two Screens And The Plastic Pencil Thing, Yeah, That's The One
Lifespan: 2004 - current

I felt I needed to put a handheld on the list, and it's a rough going, but let's face it. The non-Nintendo handhelds pretty much suck balls. The DS is the cumulation of over two decades of handheld design. It takes cues from all of it's predecessors, from the original Game and Watch to it's direct predecessor, the Game Boy Micro. The DS is of course known for having everything all in one package. It has two screens, a touch screen with stylus, a microphone, more buttons than the GBA/SP/M and it plays games from that system. If it played GB and GBC games I might have tried to somehow graft it onto my body. The DS boasts amazing games, innovative design and an evolution that led us to the superior DS Lite and the not so superior DSi. The DSi actually pisses me off with having great features but losing the GBA support. But as Nintendo pointed out, it's just an excuse to own two DS systems. So Hail mighty DS, king of handhelds, into your warm plastic clasp we commence, and in your bright glow we totally play Mario Kart into the small hours. Amen, motherfucker.

2. PlayStation

Made by: Sony
Also known as: PS, PS1, PSOne, PSX
Lifespan: 1994 - 2006

Nintendo's biggest mistake was allowing this thing to exist. Despite the Sega CD being a joke, Nintendo momentarily felt threatened and pursued their own CD add on, first with Phillips and then with Sony. This supposed "Nintendo PlayStation X" never materialized but Sony retooled what they had into their own 32-bit machine. The looming PlayStation was such a threat that a rep from Atari (who were producing their shitty Jaguar system at the time) claimed that the PlayStation would cost 500 bucks and anything less was price dumping and would lead to legal action. The PlayStation launched at a more typical 300 bucks and quickly dropped to 200 once real competition started showing up. The PlayStation made previous efforts at 32 bit machines and CD-ROM based machines look like a joke, even outperforming the similar Saturn machine Sega put out. The PlayStation was more than an interesting origin story however, as it's library of more than a thousand games, many of them high profile series that once called Nintendo their home, coupled with a smart marketing campaign that changed Gaming from a nerdy niche to just what everyone does. Gaming was now being marketed at the jackasses that made fun of you for your hobby, and it's okay to feel a little bit stung by that, until you start playing CastleVania: Symphony of the Night, then you're pretty much required to shut the hell up. The system also launched the PlayStation brand which is alive today despite Sony's best efforts. I could go on forever but I'll just say this: How prevalent is this thing? My spellchecker knows that you have to capitalize the "S" in PlayStation.


1. Super Nintendo Entertainment System

Made by: Nintendo
Also known as: Super NES, SNES, Super Nintendo, God
Lifespan: 1990 - 2000

See that lifespan? This thing owned the 90's. The entire decade bows down and submits it's raw, supple bottom to Nintendo's thrusting gleaming "stylus". The Super NES put it right in the name: it's fucking super. So Super that if you thought for a second that anything else could occupy the top spot, then I would suggest a series of tests. Physical, to rule out anything like a sort of malignant tumor, and then a long, hard, penetrating battery of psychological tests.

But I digress.

I could talk about the actual system, but that'd be counter productive. So here is what I would like to call "Exhibit A".

Super Mario World, Chrono Trigger, Super Metroid, Final Fantasy IV (and VI), Super Mario Kart, Super CastleVania IV, Contra III, Super Mario RPG, Street Fighter II Turbo, Killer Instinct, Donkey Kong Country (and 2 and 3), Yoshi's Island, Mega Man X (and 2 and 3), The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, F-Zero, Kirby Super Star, Lufia II, Star Fox, Mega Man VII, Soul Blazer, Breath of Fire (and II), ActRaiser, Dragon Quest V (and VI), Super Ghouls n Ghosts, Super Bomberman (5 of them), TMNT4, Secret of Mana....

and that's just off the top of my head.

Latest videos

Did some videos yesterday...meant to do a third but it never happened, that'll be explained in a video going up later today.

Here's the latest comic book reviews

And the latest shoutouts vid.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Here's today's videos

First the unbelievably shitty Beetlejuice

A great N64 game, Blast Corps

And finally, the latest in Streets of Final Fight, Final Fight Guy

10 Systems That Fucking Disappeared

In this type of industry for a gaming system to make it onto shelves and stay there for more than a few months is a really really good accomplishment. So here are 10 systems that came and went, leaving very little (if any) impact.


What is it?
The CD-i was the very first stand-alone CD-ROM based video gaming console. It was developed by Phillips, the creators of the CD, and marketed as more than just a video gaming console, but a multimedia entertainment system. That being said, it cost a thousand dollars, and had very few actual games. It was birthed out of a deal between Phillips and Nintendo that never happened.
What is it known for?
The CD-i is barely known at all. It had many different manufacturers, so there were several different types of CD-i machines you could buy, if you actually found a store willing to sell it. Because of the Nintendo connection and some legal wrangling, they managed to get a Mario game and three Zelda games. They are all awful and best forgotten. Sadly, the biggest thing the system is known for is birthing these abortions, which have led us to youtube poops.
So what happened?
The CD-i was shitty and expensive, which was it's death knell. If you're going to ask people to pay a thousand dollars when a Super NES costs 200, you better have something to back it up, and I'm not talking about Hotel Mario. Aside from bad games, the systems tended to fail and had poor controllers. Only one of which you could actually plug into the system at a time.

2. Nuon

What is it?
The Nuon was the machine marked as "Project X" you might remember the ad with a giant X crushing what looked like Mario's head. Oh no, a Nintendo killer! Sadly, the machine got renamed to "Nuon" and wasn't so much a console as it was a type of DVD player that could sort of play games. Like the CD-i, there's a lot of different versions.
What is it known for?
Being an embarrassing joke. There were a total of four movies and eight games that used the Nuon technology. And one of those movies was the "Planet of the Apes" remake, which if you see laying around you should destroy with a hammer, or perhaps some kind of backhoe. The games? Well when your killer app is "Tempest 3000" there's a problem. Also look at the fucking controller. That's a cheap third party N64 knockoff.
So what happened?
The company who made the Nuon went bankrupt, which provest here's some justice to the world. The company that bought them probably wrote the shit off.

3. Pippin

What is it
It's not a hobbit, it's a gaming console. Made by Apple. Before they were known for naming things after the names they already had, only adding "i" before them, they named shit after apples. This is back before Apple was hip and trendy also, so you can imagine how awesome the Pippin was. It was so awesome that it barely even existed.
What is it known for?
Mostly the controller. It had a boomerang looking controller with a trackball that was hard to hold. Remember the original design for the PS3 controller? Like that, only worse. It was another "multimedia entertainment center" which was a joke as it was supposed to compete with the likes of the PlayStation.
So what happened?
They produced so few of these that some theorized there were more accessories made than actual consoles. And they still sold less than half of them. There were about 18 games, 6 of which came with the system. And I can't even name a single one.

4. Jaguar

What is it?
It's a system you probably heard of, as it's well known as the butt of any console joke you know. What's sad is it was the most successful system on my list. It was made by Atari, which once ruled the world of gaming, but since then have become a joke. Atari was into naming their shit after cats at the time, as they also had a handheld called the Lynx and a proposed but never released console called the Panther.
What is it known for?
Aside from housing many shitty games (and so few good ones) the Jaguar was mostly known for it's controller, which had a ridiculous amount of buttons. The marketing campaign was also memorable and pretty prevalent, which led to the system's small success. "Do the math" basically got graphic whores to buy it, but you can't argue with shitty games.
So what happened?
The system started dying when everyone and their mother realized it sucked. Atari did the only thing they could think of at the time, release a CD-ROM based add-on for it. The business decision of releasing a CD-ROM add-on to a system that barely anybody has, that requires the original system, is the reason that Atari no longer makes consoles. There is a fairly big homebrew scene however.

5. Virtual Boy

What is it?
Proof that even Nintendo can fuck up royally if given enough smack. The Virtual Boy was a cash in on a Virtual Reality craze that never even happened. It was a hybrid of a console and a handheld, with a red and black 3D display, a very limited amount of games and a weird controller that had two D pads.
What is it known for?
Headaches. The games gave you headaches after only a small amount of time playing them. Add eyestrain to that and even the possibility of seizures.
So what happened?
It failed faster than an anarchist at a wheat thins party. The Virtual Boy is something of a collector's item now, as most of the units sold were returned and some people seem to have a morbid fascination with it. Saddest part is most of the games were pretty good.

6. N-Gage

What is it?
An electric Taco
What is it known for?
Okay, I should explain further. This mess was supposed to compete with the Game Boy Advance by offering superior graphics and the fact that it's also a phone. It was a terrible, uncomfortable phone and to switch games you had to take the fucking thing apart.
What happened?
It died faster than Ann Coulter's credibility.


What is it
The Game.Com was like an orignal Game Boy with internet capabilities.
What was it known for
Black and white Game Boy style graphics in 1997. SERIOUSLY. And the internet thing, with it's glorious 14.4 modem.
So what happened
Despite having big name games such as Mega Man, Duke Nukem and Turok (There was even a CastleVania game in the works) the damn thing just couldn't hack it. Nobody wanted to surf the web at 14.4 on a tiny black and white screen or play Duke Nukem on a glorified Game Boy.

8. Channel F System II

What is it?
The second version of a system you probably never heard of. The original Channel F was actually really innovative and important to video game history, despite not really being a success. It pioneered the cartridge based system. However it couldn't compete with the Atari 2600 which had better graphics. System II was an attempt to do what System I couldn't.
What is it known for?
Well, nothing really. The original system had a game show that you could use your Channel F to interact with, but the second system was barely a blip on the radar.
So what happened?
Atari happened. Six games came out for the Channel F System II and then Fairchild gave up on making video games.


What is it?
Nintendo again...sort of. It's a GameCube...and a DVD player. This was back when people though it was a big deal that the GameCube didn't play DVDs, as the PlayStation 2 and X-Box did this. Nintendo promised a version that would, though it was oddly released by Panasonic and never got outside of Japan.
What is it known for?
Other than looking like a printer fucked a stereo, the Q is a snazzy collector's item but it really is just a GameCube that plays DVDs.
So what happened?
People came to their senses and realized you could buy a GameCube and a DVD player for less than the cost of this thing.


What is it
The Loopy is made by Casio, a name you probably associate with cheaply made toy synthesizers in the 80's. It's a Japanese game console marketed specifically at girls. Japanese girls.
What is it known for?
Well, the Loopy may be the only console in history to be marketed solely at girls and it really shows. Out of the 10 games released for it, almost all of them were dating games. It also made stickers.
So what happened?
It's a Casio made console with 10 games, mostly dating sims, aimed at Japanese girls that also makes stickers. What the fuck did you think happened?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Here are the videos for today.

Firstly, a great homemade game called "Chains"

A shitty version of battleship

and the latest "Streets of Final Fight" video, the snes version of Final Fight

Monday, August 17, 2009


I was gone for a while, so here's the video update and why I wasn't doing videos for a bit.

First off, I got pissed off at some comments, and this lead to a two part rant. You'll have to go to the channel and watch, as I've disabled embedding on those. However, here is the two-part followup.

Then a GameCube collection update

And my look at the Game Boy Color

Started gameplay vids again yesterday with a terrible GBA army men game

An all right genesis baseball game

And the last Streets of Rage game I'll be doing, 2 on the Game Gear

This brings me to today's videos, here is Texas Chainsaw Massacre on the Atari 2600 (yes, that's right)

Monster in my Pocket, which isn't about the peen of massive peenness

And the original Final Fight, bringing us to that part of "Streets of Final Fight". The video did something WEIRD so I had some fun with annotations.

10 Mega Man Weapons That Kick Ass

In the Mega Man games you get to use loads of weapons, here are the most asskickingist. And yes, 'asskickingist' is a word, because I demanded it to be so.

1. The Thunder Beam

Game: Mega Man
System: NES

The Thunder Beam is great, definitely the best weapon in the original Mega Man. You get plenty of shots, so it could easily replace your normal weapon, it works wonders on Ice Man, The Yellow Devil and Wily, not to mention that the sprite is huge and fires in three directions, and can destroy certain blocks. If you're one of the pause trick users, this is also the best weapon to use.

2. The Metal Blade

Game: Mega Man II
System: NES

The Metal Blade is the best reason to start with Metal Man. He's pretty easy, and once you get this, you almost don't ever need to use your regular weapon. The Metal Blade can be fired rapidly, you get loads of them, you can shoot them in any direction and here's the best part. Technically you're supposed to use it on Bubble Man. But it also works wonders on Flash Man, Wood Man, and most fortress bosses. The Metal Blade: It's Metal as Fuck!

3. The Pharoah Shot

Game: Mega Man IV
System: NES

The Pharoah Shot is great. I mean at first it seems like it sucks, it just hurls a little tiny fireball forward and doesn't do much against Ring Man, or anybody else. But you can charge it. The charge shot actually appears above Mega Man's head and you can throw it upwards or downwards. It fucks up Ring Man and almost every fortress boss, including Wily. What's best is you can hit enemies with the ball above your head, and if you keep the B button down and pause, then unpause, the ball will re-appear, basically giving you unlimited charged shots.

4. The Noise Crush

Game: Mega Man VII
System: Super NES

The Noise Crush is another one where there's more to it than meets the eye. A simple sound wave, right? (Is that two unintended transformers references already..?) Anyway, if you fire it at a wall it bounces, and if it hits you, you are instantly charged. Then shoot a larger version. Works great of course on Turbo Man, but also feel free to use it on many of the fortress bosses, and in general.

5. The Flame Sword

Game: Mega Man 8
System: Playstation

Aside from the obvious "Mega Man + Sword = Awesome + Fire = HOLY SHIT" equation, this thing is damned useful. It can fuck up Search Man, burn shit in stages, set off explosives, pretty much do everything you'd expect a goddamn flaming sword to do.

6. Fire Wave

Game: Mega Man X
System: Super NES

You can tell I like to burn shit. The Fire Wave is also short-range but man does it fuck everything up. The only down point is you can't use it underwater. The good parts are it lasts a long time, especially if you tap the button instead of holding it, and it really hurts common enemies. Chill Penguin is even easier with it, and you need it to get all the heart tanks.

7. Speed Burner

Game: Mega Man X2
System: Super NES

ANOTHER fire weapon? Bear with me. Aside from being a pretty good fireball shooting thing, this one has a great feature when you charge it up. X engulfs himself in flame and shoots forward. Basically an air dash that can go through enemies. And you can use both it and the regular air dash in the same jump (or use it during a dash jump) to get places.

8. Ray Splasher

Game: Mega Man X3
System: Super NES

Okay there's no splashing involved, and there's no rays involved. But it does shoot a ridiculous amount of shiny shit all over the place. Gotta love that. Works well as a regular weapon and has a great sound effect. Easily the best weapon in X3.

9. The Yammar Option

Game: Mega Man X6
System: Playstation

"Option" is a weird term in shooting type games. Think like Gradius. Little fireflies surround X and shoot whenever he does. It lasts a long time and you only use a shot when you replenish the flies. It fucks up most of the bosses, including Infinity Flea, who you're supposed to use the Guard Shell against, but you'd have to be insane to try it.

10. The Beam Sabre

Game: Various
System: Various

Why doesn't Zero need all the weapons that Rock and X need? Because he's carrying around a goddamn light sabre. You could use it as a one shot kill in X3, and Zero played with it normally in most of the games after that, and his own series, Mega Man Zero. Then of course, X can use it in certain games (X3, and X6). It's always awesome, and so fucking satisfying to slice through robots with.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Videos for today

First off we have some stupid anime shit, as usual.

The fairly good Game Boy version of Terminator 2

And the latest in Streets of Final Fight, Streets of Rage on Game Gear

10 Video Game Moments That Make You Say W-H-A-T

Sometimes there's nothing to say other than a good hearty WHAT. And here are the Video Game moments that have done this.


Game: Metal Gear
System: NES

There are translation fuckups and then there are translation fuckups. Guess which one this is? In Metal Gear, Solid Dick here can go into trucks that suddenly become huge when you're inside them and occasionally he'll exclaim "UH - OH! THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!" when you get out of the truck, you're somewhere else. Now, grammatical fuckups aside, You figure after the 10th time, he'd stop shouting about it. And why's he shouting, does he want to be found? Then we have "UH - OH!" considering you can't really get anywhere in the game without getting in the trucks and having them move you, the game shouldn't alarm the player in that way.


Game: Metal Gear
System: NES

Yeah, I could actually fill up this list with Metal Gear. The guard at the beginning says this. Now obviously he's trying to say "I fell asleep!" because he says it AFTER waking up. But so many people have assumed that he's trying to say he's tired that they'll walk by him stupidly and then get killed. If you get killed by a grammatical error in a game, then the game fucking sucks.


Game: Monster Party
System: NES

Oh well okay. I'll just fucking come back when you're not dead, how's that? Aside from the fact that you got a dead creature talking to you, it's also apologizing. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be funny or what, but it's just another reason that Monster Party is fucking weird.

4. Pretty much anything anybody says in Ultima Exodus

Game: Ultima Exodus
System: NES

These are just a few of the examples of the strange, nonsensical and random things people shout at you in Ultima Exodus. Most of them make you just want to say WHO CARES? The best one (which I couldn't get a shot of) is a girl who tells you that her name is Jane and that she's on a diet. I mean...what?

5. Anything to do with Crassius Curio

Game: The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
System: PC, X-Box

If you plan on beating Morrowind, you'll have to talk to "Uncle Crassius" at least once, but if you want the full effect, try joining House Hlaalu. Crassius, who might greet you with his booming manly voice as you walk past him, is actually fiending for cock. Your cock. Well actually he's just fiending for any sort of Genitals, as he's just as much of a pervert towards a female character. Some people think Crassius was only supposed to react to female characters (making him the lecherous male counterpart of Ahnassi) and that his behavior towards cock wielding orcs and dark elves is a bug or oversight. Either way it's hilarious. If you think his dialogue is suggestive when you first talk to him, wait until he asks you to strip for him. Or read his play "The Lusty Argonian Maid"

6. You little hoochees!

Game: Lufia II: Rise of the Sinestrals
System: Super NES

I guess Daos is upset he got beat so easily (he was after all on my list of most disappointing bosses...) But that's just fucking uncalled for. I'd love to know what he said in the original Japanese.

7. Mastrubation reference #203

Game: Breath of Fire II: The Destined Child
System: Super NES, Game Boy Advance

How the hell did this get into the game? Was the programmer's name Hikaru Beavis?

8. A Vagina

Game: Mega Man Legends
System: Playstation, Nitendo 64

If you have to ask, you'll never know.

9. Alucard literally says WHAT

Game: CastleVania: Symphony of the Night
System: Playstation, Playstation Portable

Couldn't get an actual screen shot, but it doesn't matter. Turn Alucard into one of his forms (mist, bat, wolf, it doesn't matter really.) and go into a place too small for him to get into. Then turn back. He's smooshed into the space and goes WHAT!!! It's fucking great.

10. Rambo's bizarre easter egg

Game: Rambo
System: NES

You know, for a fairly realistic and faithful adaptation of Rambo II (for the NES anyway) this is just out of place. After winning you can go and walk around and talk to people, and your gun shoots some sort of Japanese writing for whatever reason. And hell, if you shoot Murdock with this deadly Kanji (it will not be necessary to correct me if it's not really Kanji, I couldn't give less of a shit), he turns into a frog. I mean....