Wednesday, August 12, 2009

10 Video Game Moments That Make You Say W-H-A-T

Sometimes there's nothing to say other than a good hearty WHAT. And here are the Video Game moments that have done this.


Game: Metal Gear
System: NES

There are translation fuckups and then there are translation fuckups. Guess which one this is? In Metal Gear, Solid Dick here can go into trucks that suddenly become huge when you're inside them and occasionally he'll exclaim "UH - OH! THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!" when you get out of the truck, you're somewhere else. Now, grammatical fuckups aside, You figure after the 10th time, he'd stop shouting about it. And why's he shouting, does he want to be found? Then we have "UH - OH!" considering you can't really get anywhere in the game without getting in the trucks and having them move you, the game shouldn't alarm the player in that way.


Game: Metal Gear
System: NES

Yeah, I could actually fill up this list with Metal Gear. The guard at the beginning says this. Now obviously he's trying to say "I fell asleep!" because he says it AFTER waking up. But so many people have assumed that he's trying to say he's tired that they'll walk by him stupidly and then get killed. If you get killed by a grammatical error in a game, then the game fucking sucks.


Game: Monster Party
System: NES

Oh well okay. I'll just fucking come back when you're not dead, how's that? Aside from the fact that you got a dead creature talking to you, it's also apologizing. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be funny or what, but it's just another reason that Monster Party is fucking weird.

4. Pretty much anything anybody says in Ultima Exodus

Game: Ultima Exodus
System: NES

These are just a few of the examples of the strange, nonsensical and random things people shout at you in Ultima Exodus. Most of them make you just want to say WHO CARES? The best one (which I couldn't get a shot of) is a girl who tells you that her name is Jane and that she's on a diet. I mean...what?

5. Anything to do with Crassius Curio

Game: The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
System: PC, X-Box

If you plan on beating Morrowind, you'll have to talk to "Uncle Crassius" at least once, but if you want the full effect, try joining House Hlaalu. Crassius, who might greet you with his booming manly voice as you walk past him, is actually fiending for cock. Your cock. Well actually he's just fiending for any sort of Genitals, as he's just as much of a pervert towards a female character. Some people think Crassius was only supposed to react to female characters (making him the lecherous male counterpart of Ahnassi) and that his behavior towards cock wielding orcs and dark elves is a bug or oversight. Either way it's hilarious. If you think his dialogue is suggestive when you first talk to him, wait until he asks you to strip for him. Or read his play "The Lusty Argonian Maid"

6. You little hoochees!

Game: Lufia II: Rise of the Sinestrals
System: Super NES

I guess Daos is upset he got beat so easily (he was after all on my list of most disappointing bosses...) But that's just fucking uncalled for. I'd love to know what he said in the original Japanese.

7. Mastrubation reference #203

Game: Breath of Fire II: The Destined Child
System: Super NES, Game Boy Advance

How the hell did this get into the game? Was the programmer's name Hikaru Beavis?

8. A Vagina

Game: Mega Man Legends
System: Playstation, Nitendo 64

If you have to ask, you'll never know.

9. Alucard literally says WHAT

Game: CastleVania: Symphony of the Night
System: Playstation, Playstation Portable

Couldn't get an actual screen shot, but it doesn't matter. Turn Alucard into one of his forms (mist, bat, wolf, it doesn't matter really.) and go into a place too small for him to get into. Then turn back. He's smooshed into the space and goes WHAT!!! It's fucking great.

10. Rambo's bizarre easter egg

Game: Rambo
System: NES

You know, for a fairly realistic and faithful adaptation of Rambo II (for the NES anyway) this is just out of place. After winning you can go and walk around and talk to people, and your gun shoots some sort of Japanese writing for whatever reason. And hell, if you shoot Murdock with this deadly Kanji (it will not be necessary to correct me if it's not really Kanji, I couldn't give less of a shit), he turns into a frog. I mean....

1 comment:

  1. i think you should put a 10 whore charectors in gaming i already have 3 ivy roll and drum roll please pi from .hack gu